How Does a Superman, a Professional and a Genuine All Around Great Guy Select a Gift? Read On!

Gift baskets are out of fashion!  Or is it that they’re just boring?  My fervent hope is that you’ll eventually come to the conclusion that both statements are wrong.  I’m actually a gift food merchant.  Kind of has a special ring to is, doesn’t it?  Granted, it may be less significant that solving the global warming problem or removing a pesky mouse from under your kitchen cabinet, but it’s an honest way to pay for the roof over my family’s head.

I know what you’re thinking: “I’ll bet he never has a problem deciding what to give during the holidays; he just gives the same boring baskets year after year to everyone.”  I want to disabuse you of your smug attitude!  I actually have the same problems you have in deciding what gift is best for everyone on my list.

I don’t give only baskets of joy to my loved ones.  Even if I did just give gift baskets to everyone, my choice would be only marginally easier than yours.  At my store, we offer scores of fruit baskets, gourmet meals, wine gift baskets and far more than that, even.  (I know what you’re thinking right now, “Please, oh please, just tell me where this wonderful paradise is located so that I can go there to buy your most expensive offerings for everyone on my gift list!”  A little patience is called for on your part.)

Before you bribe me (or threaten me) to share my store location with you, I want to tell you about my own decision making approach.

First, I decide on an appropriate category of gift.  If Uncle Milton has his drinking problem under control for the first time in ten years, I should not even consider the wine baskets.  Instead, I’ll opt for a fruit basket with something seasonal.  After years of ignoring the nutritional value of what he consumed, he could use a few extra servings of fruit in solid form.

Aunt Millie, on the other hand, is a great wine sipper.  Frankly, I don’t know if she really enjoys the wine, but she sure enjoys talking about it.  She thrills to have a new member of her audience so that she can explain what makes a good vintage year, the varieties of grapes that are used in her favorite blends and, especially, how much she paid for each bottle (as well as how much she paid for the carpeting you just ruined by spilling your glass).  She’ll get a simple wine gift basket, but I’m not going to spring for the champagne!  (I’m also not going to pay for the carpet cleaning; not after what that cat of hers did to my new coat.)

Everyone in our family, except me, says that my nephew Alfred finally made his girlfriend an honest woman.  I, on the other hand, never doubted his girlfriend’s honesty, but I have some reasons to suspect Alfred.  In any case, they finally got married.  To tell you the truth, even I agree that it’s about time.  Alfred spent the last eight years trying to decide if she was worth the cost of a diamond ring.  (I suspect that he eventually settled on crystal, which, considering Alfred, would be thought of as generous.)  What he wants is a check.  Well, he’s not getting that from me.  Instead, they’re getting a meal of live lobsters and the trimmings from me.  Actually two, of course.  I figure it’s the only way to get that cheap guy’s new bride out of the kitchen for an evening.

My second step, after choosing a category is to select a price range that I’m willing to spend on these people.  Then my wife makes me double that amount.

My perfect grandson isn’t getting a food gift.  I’m getting him the latest cell phone system, complete with an unlimited calling plan.  I would get him a sports car if only you would buy a lot more gift baskets!

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